In Which the Subject Changes, Then Goes Back, Then Goes Back to the Second Subject

So, the Deathly Hallows trailer came out a few days ago, and I'm really scared.  I don't want this to be over.  I'm scared that the fandom won't be as large or awesome by the time I really get to be a part of it.  At the moment, my part in the fandom is watching YouTube videos, reading blogs (not lately), and stalking people on Twitter.  I want to start making videos and go to WRock concerts, and go to cons.  I'm afraid that when I finally do, people will have forgotten a bit about Harry.  There's a chance that I'll be going to LeakyCon 2011, but I'm afraid.  I'm afraid that I'll be that one girl who can't even make friends among other nerds.  That I'll just be that fat, ugly, wierd little girl standing in the corner humming the harmony to what little WRock she knows.  I don't have the money to buy CDs (my mum won't buy them for me and I'm a bit too young for a job...), so I don't know or own as much music as I would like to.  I'll be that dork that everyone just looks at and raises their eyebrows, because she is so awkward and odd.  I don't want that to happen.  I was born too late, so that I'm a good 10 years younger than a lot of the more popular fans, and I didn't really become part of the fandom until about January of this year, but I did watch alwayspureblood for a while, until I became a bit too obsessed with Terminus and stumbled across italktosnakes.  It all developed from there.  I'm not sure if the people in the fandom would like me.  Yeah, so I do have HP-loving friends, but only about five (and three of them I don't talk to as much), and they're my ONLY FRIENDS.  So, as you can tell, I'm pretty socially awkward.  My best friend, Kayla, (I say that like she's not the only one that reads this) doesn't get why I can't just walk up to the guy I like and start  conversation with him.  I'm too afraid that he will think I'm a freak and avoid me at all costs.  And I'm not good at talking to people about things other than Harry Potter, Doctor Who, YouTube, and music, so that limits what I could talk about.  *Sigh*  I used to be able to talk about anything, but now it's like my mind has run out of interesting topics.  I used to have a lot of friends.  How did this go from "I'll miss Harry Potter" to "I'm lame and have no friends?"  You know you're writing a blog past midnight when...

Trying to Live Like Luna

For a while now, I've been one of those girls who could never live up to the expectations of this world, and then tries to anyway, getting really upset when I can't.  For a while now, I've been extremely self-conscious of my appearance, and tried to fit in, even though I'm fat and have frizzy hair and acne and could never fit in.  For a while now, I've cared far too much what everyone else thinks.  This is going to stop.  I think it's time to start living like Luna Lovegood.  It's time to just be myself and not care what everyone else thinks.  It's time to be that loyal friend that you love, even if you are her only friend.  From now on I am going to dress how I want and not go around wearing Aeropostale shirts becuase that's what is "cool," and simply dress in what is comfortable and in what I like.  From now on I am going to hum "A Song About Acne" and not care who stares.  Well, maybe not from now on, only because I can't get a new mindset overnight.   I have to work towards it. 
     Before, I lived on songs like this, this, and this, just because they helped me get through the day without breaking down.  Now I am going to live those songs.  I used to feel like this, but now I am going to try to think more like this.  I don't think I'll ever stop thinking that someone is better than me, but I'll just put that out of my head.  Now, only the people who can like me no matter how nerdy and unnatractive I am will be the people I like.  Only the tolerant people.  And I'm going to remember that, no matter how obnoxious and ugly I am, God and my true friends will always love me.  I'll still wear make up and dress in cute(ish) clothes, but it will no longer be my top priority.  Now, the only person I am going to try to please is myself.  As long as I stay a good person, there is no reason to feel bad about myself.  From now on, this video will be my inspiration.  I will love every minute of being myself.