Ah. The return of the emo blog...

I've been reading a lot of Postsecret the past few days, and it always makes me really depressed because I manage to forget how I feel until someone else says something that hits home.  I'm the type of person who hides away behind a mask of happiness and confidence, when I have extremely low self esteem, to the point where I can barely tell if I am truly happy.  I tell people that they are beautiful no matter what, but I'm the one person that I can't imagine that being true about.  I'm such a hypocrite.   I feel like I can't talk to anyone, though, because everyone is far too amazing to feel as insecure and unloved as I do.  It's easier for me to talk to complete strangers about how I feel than my best friend, simply because she is so beautiful and amazing that I don't know how she could possibly relate.  Sometimes I wish that I could go back to that time when I was younger and didn't give a crap about what everyone thought.  I was so happy back then.  Back when my biggest fear was something trivial and unlikely to happen, instead of this constant fear that I will end up completely alone, abandoned by my friends and family, never having been loved, and everyone growing tired and bored of me.  I just wanted to get this out, and I have a hard time talking about it.  Blogging feels so indirect, but so personal at the same time.  It's perfect for this type of thing.  I want people to know, but I can't tell them.