If I Were in The Hunger Games...

I would convince every good perrson that wasn't suicidal to team up with me and then we would fight the Capitol by protecting eachother and sharing resources.  Then either we would all win, or only one of us would, but either way the person who won wouldn't have done it by murdering everyone in sight.  That would make the Capitol the maddest and would spark hope in the rebel that if they all come together they can overthrow the Capitol and be happy.  That is all. Oh, and to let you know, the later at night I post my blogs the more emo they get.

FEELINGS

I feel like letting my feelings out on a number of topics, becuase, really, the only people who read this are Kayla and maybe one other person I've never met.  I'm not one YouTube.  I don't sing in a Wrock band.  I'm just that random girl who isn't popular and never will be, even amogst those who are nerds like me.  I'll always be that dork standing in the corner and shoving my way into a group that has at least one person that is friendly to me.  It's always been that way.  I'm not pretty. I *can't* be pretty.  I can straighten my hair and wear tons of make up and go on a diet and wear only Aeropostale clothes, or whatever, but I'll still be a dork.  I don't have social skills.  Even the people that do accept me leave me out, only talking to me every once-and-a-while.  I think that I have amazing friends.  I love them.  But I think that in the end they'll all get tired of me and start drifting away.  The girl that was my best friend until I moved had already started slipping away even before I moved.  And afterwards, there was no hope that we would ever really be close again.  She's now one of the "popular" kids at her school and has a constant flow of boyfriens, where as I've never had a guy like me in my life.  It's kind of depressing.  Sometimes I just have to cry.  Atheists confuse me.  I know that if I didn't believe God was there, I wouldn't last more than the next few months.  Sometimes I still feel as if I've been abandoned.  The guy I like is one of the "popular" people.  He used to be really good friends with Kayla, so I know that he's really an amazing person, but he can be a total jerk.  Even though he is one, everytime he smiles I can't help but smile, too.  It's involuntary.  I just really like his smile.  There are other people that I think I *could* like.  I like them enough and they actually talk to me, but it's not the same.  I tend to talk too much and get really annoying, so maybe I'll start keeping my mouth shut and only answering direct questions from everyone but the few people I really trust.  A few people have told me I'm funny, but I don't think I am.  Keep in mind that two of these people are my little siblings who are easily amused.  Someday I want to gather all of my "friends" and my real ones, too, and tell them to put an "x" on a peice of paper if they've ever said something about me that they wouldn't want me to know they said.  I bet at least half of them would put an "x" if they were truthful.  The only way I can think of to be accepted is to change who I am completely.  I don't want to do that.  I want to be more like Kayla, whom people just seem to love.  I want to be thin and pretty.  But I know that won't happen.  I could go a week without eating more than 200 calories a day and only lose one pound or so.  So a diet definitely wouldn't do anything.  I could go for fat, ugly guys, but I don't like any of them.  Even if I was surrounded by Nerdfighters, I wouldn't make friends with more than a few.  They would all go towards Kayla or someone more popular, like Kara.  As you may be able to tell, I am a little jealous of a lot of people.  And I'm not even that nice of a person.  I have a really bad temper and get annoyed easily.  Maybe that contirbutes to people not liking me.  I don't know.  I don't want to talk about it anymore.

     So, in good news, my friend and I made up a good name for a Wrock band.  No Post on Sundays.  I don't know why I love it that much.  Also, there is a slight possibility that I might see Kayla tomorrow, but it's unlikely.  I finished The Hunger Games around one last night/this morning.  It was so good, but I don't even know what was so addictive about it.  It just was.  I convinced my mom to buy me Catching Fire (which I didn't think I stood a chance of doing) in exchange for me doing a whole lot of cleaning tomorrow.  Oh, the things I do for books. 

Sexy: Nerd boys who love to read, especially if it's Harry Potter they love to read.
Unsexy: Me, but you probably already knew that. =P

This Explains Why I Am Not Fond of Hermione's Parents

Ok.  I know I haven't posted in so long, but I have semi-acceptible excuses.  So, again, I have been absent from the internet.  Lets just say that the only internet things I've been doing lately are email and tweeting via my phone.  Yeah.  And yesterday, Saturday, and friday I watched some Doctor Who and A Very Potter Musical.  I feel ashamed to admit that with my bussiness doing stuff (none of it was very important) I never got past the first few videos of it when they first posted it.  But now I am a few videos into AVPM and I'm in the middle of the first episode of Series 3 of Doctor Who.  I love Doctor Who, but something has been bothering me.  So, one day, Rose gets sucked into this void thingy and is living in the alternate universe with her mum, dad, and Mickey (and the Doctor's clone guy thing, but that hasn't happened yet, so...) and she can never get back to the world with the Doctor and he can never see her again.  Well, way of in Series four (I think) The Doctor meets one of his future companions.  Ok, I hate writing and reading in present tense, so that's over.  That companion girl has his sonic screwdriver.  The Doctor said that's the ultimate sign of love from him, or something.  That's what bothers me.  There are two possibilities.  One: The Doctor manages to die so quickly that he has no time to regenerate and she takes the screwdriver from him.  Two: He never really loved Rose and this girl replaced her and made him forget about her.  I would like to think that the former is true, though I hate the idea of the Doctor dying, simply because I don't like that girl and The Doctor is only allowed to be with Rose.  The latter of the possibilities is the most likely, though.  This one puts the viewer into a kind of anti-Doctor position, but I still love him and he will come from Gallifrey and we will marry.  Just kidding.  I'm not stupid enough to believe that a Time Lord would ever be content with someone that would age and die before him; it would hurt too much.  But if you think about it, how many of the companions has he probably told he loved?  I don't know the answer, but I'm guessing most of them.  Maybe he loved Rose a bit more, but he didn't give her the screwdriver, so he couldn't have loved her as much as they want us to believe.  Enough of this pessimism.  hghhgh.  I was trying to see what would come up if I hit my head on the keyboard.  I think my forehead likes Hayley Hoover.  A lot.  It typed her initials... twice. 

     So, in happier news, I saw my best friend, Kayla, today.  Saying that is kind of pointless, becuase she's probably the only one who reads this, but ah well.  I shall write as if I had readers, anyway.  We looked at stuff in Hot Topic and Rue21 for a while, me loudly gagging whenever I saw anything Twilight.  I hope no Twi-tards were in there.  They might come and kill me while I'm sleeping, but like Edward would.  Then we went to Panera Bread where Kayla complained about the bread in her bread bowl being soggy with soup.  Crazy girl.  Then we went to Books-a-Million and I left Nerdfighter notes in a copy each of Paper Towns, Looking for Alaska, Let it Snow, and An Abundance of Katherines.  I only had four notes.  *shrugs* It made me feel pretty dang awesome, which I am because I am made of Awesome.  If I were to go to Hogwarts, I would be sorted into the House of Awesome along with all the other Nerdfighters and we could fangirl the more popular Nerdfighters and be awesome with all of them.

    After having fun with Kayla, I had to go to the Dentist, which inevitably means me opening my mouth, the dentist telling me to open it wider, and me not being able to open it wider because my mouth is tiny.  Not cool.  I was on FML while I was wainting for the other dentist lady to get in there.  I like that website.  Lot's of love and goodbye!

I almost forgot Sexy/Unsexy!
Sexy: Draco Malfoy in AVPM.  Not the actress, but the character.  I love how every time he enters a room he starts rolling on the floor, chairs, and table.
Unsexy: The fact that I must get up at six tomorrow.  I hate school.

Book of Blood

Ummm. I have excuses.  I have barely been on the internet the past few weeks, and when I am my priorities are email, then twitter, youtube, then blogspot.  Im sorry. I usually never even get through Twitter before my mum yells at me to get off.  In the past I have thought of things to say, but they never made it here.  So, my head will just turn into this blog.  It won't be long.  It won't be deep.  So don't be disappointed.

     I love Charlie (Charlieissocoollike).  Seriously.  If I ever met him I would flip out and try to ignore him and then he would be scared of me because having a twelve-year-old crush on you when you are 18 is not appealing.  Oh well.  I do like someone "real" but he might as well be on the internet.  I have NO chance with him at all.  Not that I have a chance with any guy, but he is waaaaaay out of my league.  He is "popular" and only dates "popular" girls, which I am DEFINITELY not.  Gah.  I dislike life.  Not really, living is cool, but I don't know.  I wish it was easier.  I wish the guy that I am meant to be with was just there, for me to meet and love, and him to love me back.  But that won't happen.  =(

     So, last night I watched a movie called Clive Barker's Book of Blood.  I watched it because the British sexiness that is Jonas Armstrong plays the main character.  If you want to save your stomache then DO NOT WATCH IT!  I turned my head to the couch at really gross parts and I still felt nautious at certain points.  The Mary lady is insane and evil.  I will spoil it only because you should never watch it and so I won't feel bad.  I won't talk about the begining because I don't care about that part.  Except for this one part where this girl's face got ripped off.  That was awful.  *pukes*  So the dead wanted to get their message across, so they literally cut it on Simon (Jonas Armstrong).  The evil Mary woman decied that they should "listen" to the ghosts and decied to offer up Simon to them.  So she would strip and set him up every night (I think it was every night; they didn't say) and the dead would come and cut him.  Then she would read him and wrote books about it.  She got rich off of his pain.  WTF???  He managed to escape and some guy that worked for Mary captured him.  Simon begged to die quickly, so the man cut his throat.  Then they skinned his dead body and put it in a breifcase so that they could preserve the "book".  The man drowned at one point in imaginary blood (one minute he was drowning in it and the next he was dead on the dry floor). At the end Mary held up Simon's skin and the ghosts were still writing on it.  I thought they were going to be like, "Oh. He's dead. Let's go cut that Mary woman instead!"  But they didn't.  Oh well.  The only thing I liked was when Simon was yelling and my mind was screaming "OMG THAT IS SO ROBIN HOOD!!!!!!!!" LOL.  So the moral of the story is don't watch a movie just because one of your favorite actors is in it.  Ok? Because it might make you sick.

Sexy: British guys.  I think I have a Katherines thing going on, just with British guys.  They are just bettter than these stupid Americans.  Even the guy I liked way back in fifth grade had British parents, even though he was born here.

Unsexy: Gross movies.  bleh.  I made the color the closest to blood I could find.

I Think About the Hidden Feelings of Characters Way Too Much

Yeah.  I was really whiny yesterday, then I was talking about how awesome my friends are, then I was talking about the feelings of Doctor Who characters.  And about yesterday's sexy, I like the Tenth Doctor best, but I think that the Ninth and Rose had a special romantic connection that she doesn't share with the Tenth.  He loves her in a different way in that form.  He loves her in the way that he would do anything to save her, but it's just not the same.  I love it how main characters in television shows have someone they love, romantically or not, die or almost die and they would destroy everything in their path to get revenge or save them.  Time for a little Robin Hood.  In one episode Marian was so close to death that she appeared to be dead.   Robin, who usually refrians from killing, was ruthless and brutal, not really caring.  Of course then he finds out that Marian is alive.  In the episode "The Idiot's Lantern" of Doctor Who Rose gets her memory, soul, and face wiped.  The Doctor got so mad and said, "There is no power on this earth that can stop me."  I thought that was nice.  I don't know why, but I just love it when people show their real feelings when the one they secretly love is in danger.  So romantic.

     Enough talk about television and feelings (incedentally, that episode was about television).  I've got a cello now.  It's so pretty, but I have no room in my room to practice.  I need to rearrange my furniture or something.  Also, I am thinking of becoming a vegetarian, but Kayla hasn't told me wheather or not this is a good idea.  One of the only things I'm not sure I can go without is Taco Bell.  I really like Taco Bell and their tacos.  Oh well.  Even if I did try I probably wouldn't stick with it for more than a month or two.

     I haven't liked any backpacks I've seen, and the American Eagle bag that I've been using lately really hurts my shoulder after a while, so I decided to make my own backpack, kind of.  It was my mom's idea.  She suggested buying a plain black backpack and painting, so I did and decided to splatter paint it.  That was so fun!  My brother and sister kept trying to do it and messed up, so I made them leave.  It's so pretty and mathes my belt. =)  So that's all I really have to say.  Bye.

Sexy: This song.  It is so pretty.
Unsexy: The fact that again, I am posting past midnight.  I was always a night owl.

In Which Exhaustion Gets To Me and I Type Too Much Nonsense About Feelings

Hello. Yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while. But today was also the first time I checked anything on the internet in a while. Twitter is overwhelming so I'm just going to start on the first page and ignore everything that happened in the past ten or so days.  So, it's not as if I'm ignoring my blog, just the internet as a whole.  I just don't have the time anymore.  I don't get home until almost five and then have to pracaatice piano, do homework, eat dinner, and by then it's probably seven-thirty.  And some days I'm gone until six, and the world is just crazy.  Last year everything was crazy with the play rehearsels and I feel like this whole year will be like that pretty soon.  My mom thinks I'm trying to do to many things and soon I won't have time to do anything.  Maybe she's right. I don't know.  Notice that I'm writing this at one in the morning.  And I have to get up at seven-thirty tomorrow so I can go to church.  But enought excuses, time to talk about my boring, non-social life.

     My best friend is no longer at my school and I miss her.  I have a few other close friends, but none as close as Kayla, so it's hard.  The other girl, Morgan, that was part of our trio is a good friend, but whenever I act stupid she just looks annoyed and ignores me.  I'm used to having someone who would laugh and be stupid with me.  The only things that I can talk to her about are things like Doctor Who and Harry Potter, plus she still likes Twilight so it's hard to make fun of it with her.  We share a lot of interests, but we don't have a special bond.  I have other friends that I can't talkt to about Harry Potter, but I can about anything else.  Stuff like boys and make-up.  Girly things.  And I have my guy friends.  Like one of my really good ones named Daniel.  We get yelled at for talking during Algebra a lot.  And the other boys I'm not really good friends with, but more like family, or something.  Of course, not all of them are like that.  There are about three that I don't talk to much and don't wish to talk to at all.  Two of those three like Harry Potter, but one is so annoying and mean that I hope he isn't a real fan, and the other is just extremely immature.  Some are the annoying little brothers and others are the ones that you can jokingly make fun of and they'll know you're messing around and tease you back.  I don't know what it is, but somehow, being in the double-advanced class creates a bond that you don't have with the people in your other classes.  Sometimes I hate them, and sometimes it just feels good to have someone you can have fun with and not get called an idiot.  It's funny how fast this changed from whining to describing friendships, but that's kind of the way life is.  You think the world is so terrible and all you do is think of those bad things, but in the middle of that, something reminds you of all the little things that make life so much better.

     Okay, on to the nerdy part of the blog.  so I've really gotten addicted to Doctor Who.  I don't know why, but there's something about it where you feel like you're there, traveling with the Doctor.  Like you're Rose, or Martha, or Donna, or whoever.  You cry when a character dies, or when the Doctor is sad, or someone else.  In "School Reunion" when Sarah Jane was talking about how he just left her all alone and Rose was asking if he would do that to her, I cried so much.  I don't know what it is, but the thought of the Doctor leaving Rose behind (even though I know she dies) hurt my heart.  I felt like I was Rose, and he would leave me.  I was thinking about what it must be like, to travel with the Doctor, to think the whole time that he's in love with you.  To know that you love him, and think that you are special.  And then you meet an old companion and she tells you the story of how she loved the Doctor and then he just left her on Earth, to live a boring, mundane life.  How much would that hurt?  And then he goes and tells her that he'll never do that to her.  I bet that he said the same thing to Sarah Jane.  Does he not get how much it hurts them when he has a little fling with someone.  I mean there was Cleopatra (apparently), Madame de Pompadour, Lynda,  Sarah Jane, and who knows how many others.  I'm still on season two, so I don't know what he does to Martha and Donna.  But really, can't he tell when it's tearing Rose apart watching him flirt and stuff, or is he to busy being hurt by "Rose and her boyfriends"?  These are questions I would really like answered.


     And there will be nothing about what's going on in my life, because:
     1. It's 1:45
     2. What I previously typed was my life.  I just let my brain flow through my fingers, not knowing what I was going to type before I did.

Sexy:  The Doctor.  Though I think the Tenth Doctor is funnier, the Ninth sort of had a different feel to him that I really liked.  he was a bit kinder, though when he toughened up he could look a bit scary. 
Unsexy: The fact that, at best, I will only get a little more than five hours of sleep tonight.

EDIT: I was looking back through old blogs, and they are so short! This one is a bit longer than I meant it to be. 

TN, School, and Nerds

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I've been in Tennessee for the last week and I really meant to blog on Sunday, but I kind of ran out of time between church and packing.

While in Tennessee I got to see my week-old cousin. She is so tiny and sleeps A LOT. Do all babies do this? She sleeps and then gets hungry and tries to nurse whomever happens to be holding her. And then after she's done feeding she stares at people and the fan and stuff and then goes back to sleep. But she is the cutest thing. I love her. And then I also got to see my other baby cousin who is about six months old. He is such a good baby. He's gotten to the point where he has figured out that he can fake-cry and people will hold him and try to sooth him. He also fake coughs because his family is sick and is copying them. I watched his grandmother (my aunt) give him a bath in the sink and she used the shampoo to give him a fauxhawk (or however you spell that). It was so adorable. Actually both of these babies were the children of my cousins and I have another cousin that has a baby due in October. Too many babies.

We went to The Pink Palace in Memphis. We saw some really cool stuff, but the mansion was closed. That made me really mad. We went into an old fake Piggly Wiggly inside the museum and looked at all of the old food they had behind the glass. My grandmother educated me about the food that had been there when she was a child and kind of skipped over the stuff that was before her time. It was really cool. In the gift shop I saw about four Einstein posters and some cool Egyptian stuff. I bought a peacock feather- which I stupidly left on top of the dresser at my grandmother's house- and an Egyptian bookmark. I miss my family.

I start school on Wednesday and I get to see Kayla! We have six classes together this year. =D

Sexy: That 'I *heart* Nerds' shirt I saw that girl wearing.

Unsexy: One of the parts of the Museum you were most looking forward to being closed

Also Unsexy: The fact that the first time I posted this Blogger decided that *less-than three* is not acceptable.